The Trials Of Life I saw a commercial on TV for vitamins that promised to improve my memory, but every time I go to the pharmacy to buy some, I forget what it was I wanted. I called the Psychic hot line and even before the woman could start speaking I laid it in to her. I told her flat out; "I don’t believe in ESP. or any of that psychic nonsense." apparently unshaken by my verbal assault, she calmly replied, "Yes,... I know". Someone once asked me if I smoked after sex. I got all perplexed and answered; "I’m not sure, I never checked." In the past year I
have been telling the following joke: And know it looks like it may actually happen, somehow I feel responsible, God forgive me. Some new wave mystic sold me lessons on how to have a "out of body" experience. what I wound up with, was a "out of money" experience. I was in a bar the other day, and a dog walked in. It jumped up on the bar and ordered a drink. I was surprised to see the bartender bring the dog a martini in a bowl, and the dog lapped it up. then to my amazement the dog had another, and another. I thought to my self,"this is a lot of alcohol for a dog’s metabolism." so I went over to it, and said. "Hey there fella, I noticed your drinking pretty heavy today, what’s the mater?, what’s wrong?" the dog looked up at me with tried eyes, and replied, ‘ it’s my wife, she’s a bitch." (a dog’s wife, a bitch) get it? ha, ha, ha, ha Unlike most men, I was circumcised rather late in life; I was 22 at the time. Though now middle aged, I can still remember it like it was yesterday. I was sitting there in the doctor's waiting room, and as one might imagine, I was understandably nervous. My anxiety must have been quite obvious because the doctor's receptionist made a well meaning but failed attempt to put me at ease. She slid the glass panel aside and said, "Don't worry Mr. Andersen, it won't be long now." At this point I fainted. |